do not call list, do not work

Me: Hello.
Them: (silence)
Me: Hello
Them: Yes, is this Mrs. So and So
Me: Yes*
Them: Hi Mrs. So and So. I’m calling for the Richmond Fraternal Order of Police
Me: Hello. I’m sorry, did you think I was home? I’m actually not able to answer your call right now. Gotcha! Ha Ha! Please leave a message, unless this is a computer operated telemarketer in which case do not ever call me again or I will BITE YOU. If this is the Richmond Fraternal Order of Police then also do not call me again unless you have actually done something about the 10 murders that happen each month in our fair city, especially those that happen around the schools I teach in. When I feel good and safe about driving to the schools I teach in, those schools which sadly produce men that will kill others on the same streets, I’ll answer you’re call. And listen, we’re working on educating kids that don’t kill. We’re trying. I’m not so sure about your fraternal orderness. So, until that time, Stop. Calling. Me.**

*I’m thinking, “I’m not a Mrs. which means you are a telemarketer cause no one else calls me Mrs.”
**What I really said was, “I’ve asked you five times to stop calling me, especially early in the morning and especially on Sundays.” This was followed by an abrupt click.

Sometimes, I wish I was a quicker with the unsolicited phone call comebacks.

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