things I saw yesterday

Richmond's annual chili cook-off held many feasts for my eyes:

1) William Hung. I know, you're jealous. He was one act among many at the festivities and his one song performance of "She Bangs" was almost worth the $20 admission fee.

2) People wearing clothes that should have been retired years ago (or never purchased)- a) Belly shirts- these should only be worn by people who do not actually have bellies and then only when they want other women to hate them. b) Clothing that is too tight- there was a woman who looked normal in everyway except that her tan linen pants were a bit snug above her thighs, and by snug I mean she had a perma-wedgie. c) Stripper shoes- The shoes which I am referring to had a 3 inch clear plastic heel, silver souls, and clear plastic straps. I know, you're jealous again. Note to self- don't go to the chili cook-off as can't handle the dress requirements.

3) People running after beer- the beer trucks ran out of beer about an hour before the cook-off ended. We were waiting in line and when they would announce that the beer was gone people would scatter quickly to another truck, and so on, and so on. Note to self- don't go to an event where grown people run after silly things, unless there is a sale on at Saks.

4) A woman's bare bum- as I walked to my car I saw that the passenger door of the car beside me was open, blocking my door. There was no one around and as I got closer and closer I looked for someone to tell that I needed to close the door. Then, as I approached my car I saw that there was in fact someone behind the door, a woman's bare bum was in plain view. Um, OK, um, um, look in the other direction, um, wait, um, don't look, hope that friend tells her I am here, um, um. When she is done and is pulling up her pants over her bare bum and says "I'm sorry, I just really had to pee," say "It's OK, do what you gotta do" and quickly get in your car and pull away. Note to self- never, never have to pee that bad.

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