no crib for her bed

At 12:30am I decided to strip my bed and wash the sheets. No problems, extra sheets and duvet cover are waiting in the linen closet. Then, in the mist of stripping I start to tear off the mattress pad and the feather bed cover. I decide that any dust mites living in my bed need to go. It is the time for my occasional freak out upon the realization that bugs could be living with we me in my bed. And so upon this freak out I strip my bed and wash everything in hot water and bleach, except I usually don’t do this at 12:30 am. That’s the problem, what was I thinking? But once the bug-infested items have been stripped, there is no way in God’s green earth that they are going back on the bed.

Why do we do these things? We do we have missteps and miscalculations? We make tiny insignificant decisions all the time. We decide on the black shoes instead of the brown. We brew tea rather than coffee. We let the book we’ve started lay unread for weeks on the bedside table. We avoid eye contact with the stranger who is trying to make conversation in a store. We hang up before we say too much, or “I love you too.” Or we strip the bed in the middle of the night leaving no place for sleep. Nothing is insignificant. Nothing is missed.

In the back of my mind I was thinking that I could wash the sheets and bedding and replace them in time for me to sleep tonight. I then looked at the clock and realized my mistake, my misstep, my insignificant miscalculation. Even though it is spring break for me and sleep can begin and end on a whim, there are things I want to accomplish tomorrow. There are conversations with strangers I want to start. Sleep tonight is important. I will change my routine and sleep in the guest bedroom. My bed, my haven will be missed.