from me to you

I hate it when I settle into a quiet night of phone calls to my friends and not one of my dear friends is home. There is nothing like a warm-hearted answering machine to make a girl feel loved. I mean my friends are fabulous. They are kind and funny and fun and far away. Distance from my good friends hurts sometimes and so when I call them out of an act of loneliness and they are not at home, the loneliness gets deeper. Their fabulousness outshines my fabulousness to nothing and I go back to what I was doing before the desperate plea for conversation.

Tonight, I got 6 messages and 1 number out of service. The latter was a friend of a friend that I've been meaning to have over for dinner, but come on people. Then I think about why I wanted to talk anyway. So much of the time I am just ranting on in my neurotic self-obsessed way and what is in it for them? I hope that I am a good friend, but I know that have my bad moments. One particular friend is excellent at getting me to divulge more and more information. She is a question asker and she is a lawyer. She asks for more and more info. to the point that I have to stop myself and say "OK, so what’s up with you?" about 45 mins. into our phone calls. She is great, but she also feeds my self-obsession. She's also taught me the act the listening because she does it so well. Then there is my best friend who's mother is a school counselor, need I say more. While she herself, doesn't have a degree in counseling, she's actually a science nerd, (you know I love you PK) she is fabulous at her second job. And she does this for all her friends. In fact, she is so good she just may pick friends based on their level of neediness. Hmmmmm!

The immediate lonliness was brought on by my re-watching of my "Sex And The City" DVDs. I just really miss my girlfriends sometimes. I miss the closeness that women can have in true friendships when you live in close proximity. My best friend lives across the country and my other dear friends live 2-24 driving hours away. Oh, the mark of having successful, adventurous, independent women friends!

So, I sit down and write and try to work out whatever brought me to the phone in the first place. I think about what my friends are doing right now that takes them away from their phones. Are they out with other friends? Are they watching a movie? Are they discussing recently read books? Are they organizing fundraisers? Are they laughing? Are they happy? I hope they are laughing. I hope they are happy. They are my friends and I love them.