things unsaid

After a day of mostly napping, I talked to a friend for a while about her troubles. Since her troubles don’t stress me as much as her I can, of course, look at things objectively. And I often offer advice, ways to fix things, how to handle the next thing, so on and so fourth. But, as a girl, I know that sometimes we don’t want answers or fixers. We just want someone to say “that bitch” or “that sucks” or just “I’m here for you.” So, sometimes I feel a little bit like I’ve jilted my sex and stepped in as the clueless, helpless male. I step back and try to slow down the advice and I leave the conversations thinking “maybe I just should have listened more.” Then tonight, hours after our conversation I return home to a call that never happens. My friend L has left a voicemail message to say that she has two things to tell me; 1) that she doesn’t mean to pull me into the crap in her life and doesn’t mean to be fishing for ego boosting and 2) that she calls me because I help her put things into perspective and look at them in a different way and then she adds and a third, thank you.

We don’t get these calls enough, or give them. How great does it feel for someone to leave a voicemail saying how much they appreciate you? It’s priceless. I need to do it more too, to let people know they are important in my life. Because even though we might talk to each other every week or every day or go to dinner or give presents at Christmas or birthdays cards or celebrate weddings, it doesn’t mean as much as the words do. There is something in hearing that you matter to someone that makes you feel it, more than any present ever could. I need to tell the ones I love that I love them because I do, I love the hell out of them. Thank you, L.

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