another one bites the dust

In an email I received this afternoon a close friend and old college roommate spells out a weekend that was full of surprises. By the first line I know what’s happened and my smug single self just skipped to the end of the paragraph where it said, “we’re thinking of fall… stay tuned.” I then went back through the story of the proposal and had a few “ooo an ah” moments. I quickly shot back an email of surprise and excitement. And really, I am happy for her. J. is an amazing girl and she so deserves marriage and a good man and good love. I’ve met the chap and think he’s a catch so cheers to them and sad songs to me. Just last year we stayed up late talking in her apartment about her doubts about this boy she had only been seeing for a few months. Six months ago she still had questions, but things were still moving along. Now, engaged. It just takes a year for life to change so drastically. But, somehow all my years seem the same. Changes, sure, but really when I look back to a difference a year makes, what really have a gained? Where is the boy who will listen to the music I listen to and play me sad songs when I’m sad and dance with me in my living room and cook with me and tell me to clean up and laugh at me when do stupid things and talk to me about politics and teach me things and let me do all those things for him? Where is my year of ups and downs and then down on one knee and a walk down and aisle and then talk of children and then dirty diapers and then college tuition and then more marriages and retirement and sitting on a rocking chair holding hands in the sunset of our lives? Where the hell is my “what a difference a year makes?”