rebuilding

I like to think that I am OK with change that I go with the flow easily, that I live in the shadow of hippy mentality. I don’t really think this is true. I think I might be a bit rigid, at least at first until things settle. It’s my anxiety of the unknown that causes me to cling to what is familiar, to what is safe, to what is within my realm of control.

I was forced to make a change today. After weeks of saying things like, “My phone might die, but keep talking,” and “Hold on my phone is dying. I have to plug it in. Oh God, it might die, hold on. SH*T. Phew. What were you saying?” I have had to get a new cell phone. My battery, clearly, was dying and I needed to update my 2 year-old phone, but things were complicated. It wasn’t as simple as getting a new phone.

You see my old standby, my familiar, my safe cell phone company, SunCom, decided to sell everything in Virginia to Cingular and head out of town. I loved my SunCom, loved it. I had their unplan and I NEVER had to think about minutes or roaming or dropped calls or service issues. It was a relationship I was absolutely comfortable with. It was in my realm of control.

Now that SunCom has left, there is nothing in Virginia that gives you unlimited minutes to anywhere, anytime, all the time for $50 a month. I was reluctant to move on and for weeks have dealt with a battery that was on it’s last leg. Then, last night, the screen went blank after I purposely threw the phone on the kitchen counter. Whoops.

Walking into the T-Mobile store I was confident. I had researched the options all morning and I was sure I knew what I wanted. As soon as the transaction was taking place, my stomach started to flip. “Was this the right choice? Should I go Verizon even though I am convinced that they are a fraudulent company because of my landline service? Are these enough minutes? Is there good enough range of service? Will this work in my apartment? Should I get text messaging? Should I go flip or the old standby, oversized Nokia?”

Well, Jeff at T-Mobile was good to me, calling my Ms. Anna and pulling a chair out for me. Maybe he saw the panic in my face and thought I might faint and the chair would delay that until he got my credit information. I walked out with a flip phone that will require a new car charger and a good time getting used to. After all my friends and family call my home phone and give me their numbers again, I’ll be back in business. And now that everything is settled and in place, I’m all about it. I’ve got that hippy spirit fluttering inside because the first hurdle of anxiety is complete and newness feels so good now.