in which i bore you and talk about my toilet

Every morning I awake and put a kettle on to boil then hop into the bathroom to do my business and wait for the water to boil at which point I return to the kitchen and pour the boiling water into my French press. This is standard morning procedure. Every morning. I like my routines.

Except one day I get a phone call from a friend who is heading into work early and apparently thinks I have time to chitchat. I have just flushed and noticed the funny behavior of my toilet when the phone rings. I answer and take the phone with me back into the bathroom where I flush again and pray silently that the water will stop rising in the bowl. I assume this is how a toilet overflows, but I’m not sure because I’ve never had the pleasure of hat experience before. I’m sure most girls haven’t and I’m a little troubled as to the occurrence at this point in time because all I did was tinkle.

The water rises and rises, but I never mention anything to my friend because, well, that’s embarrassing even if it was just a tinkle, the explanation would still raise some eyebrows. The water reaches the tiptop of the bowl, but never goes any further. I thank my stars and promise to not flush again until the problem is resolved. So, I call the manager and leave word that there is trouble in my toilet. I am assured that it will be fixed.

I come home that same day and the locks are different which means that the maintenance men have been in and I see that they’ve left me a note that plunging has occurred. I go to inspect and everything seems to be fine. I don’t think about the situation until late that night when I’m getting ready for bed and all of a sudden I notice that one of my linen hand towels that hangs above the toilet is gone and no where to be found. I’m quite sad as I loved the embroidered design of the matching pair, but I’m relieved to know that my tinkles don’t clog toilets, linen towels do.