free write- the first line was given

There’s a bar in Austin, TX called “Jake’s Place” that I may never see because I didn’t make the reservations for the flight. I hesitated and the hesitation grew into something I couldn’t control. It became a pause, an interruption in the plans. My mind was working overtime trying to sort and organize this life that up and going somewhere didn’t fit into the actualization of everything I needed to happen. I’ve been traveling all my life it seems, somehow escaping the reality that is my own stillness. And so I sat still and moved only within the walls of this house, this foursquare apartment, this holder of my things, the habitat for the recovering. I’m not sure what I’m recovering from anymore given that the scars were uncovered years ago and seemingly healed, but there is something that resists the stillness, something that wants me to keep moving or at least visiting places like Austin, TX. I will get there, I know I will just like I will get to Italy and Africa, but first I have to be OK with being standing still on my own because if I can’t stand still by myself, I have little faith that I’ll be able to stand still with someone else.