dreaming in meta

I believe that in our dreams we work through the problems that our waking mind can’t wrap itself around. Dreaming allows us to travel a different avenue, try another ending, wear another outfit. And when we don’t remember all of our dreams, I think it’s our subconscious helping us take out the trash, throwing away the varied paths that even in dreaming didn’t work out the way we hoped. It’s possibly why I like to sleep so much, my mind wanting to get a state of complete and perfect logic where boundaries are figments and reality is as clear and precise as a mirror reflecting another mirror, all twisted and never-ending.

Last night I dreamed of an old missed opportunity (with a boy-yes) and when I was done with that dream, my sleeping self had a conversation among the different areas that make up my dreams. While sleeping, with no images, I confirmed with myself that I had indeed missed that opportunity and these dreams could now stop (they were recurring). I then told myself to take on another topic, to dream about it in order to find the question that needed to be answered: Do I move to London, let go of what I’m holding on to here and take the leap? Will staying here be a missed opportunity?

The next thing, it was morning and I groggily slapped the snooze alarm for more sleep, more thinking time. I eventually woke and remembered sleeping conversation within my dreaming mind, the questions about my favorite city. And then I remembered the images that followed; Piccadilly Circus, a café in Covent Garden, Kensington Gardens, and my hotel on Queensway Rd. I was so happy that I had dreamed of London, that I had controlled my dream within my dreaming state and chosen the topic I needed to work through. And then my heart sank. While I did dream of London, I was destinctly and decidedly there as a tourist. I wasn’t a Londoner in my dream, but I was in my heart. I remember begging and pleading with my travel friend to go to my favorite places, knowing the streets and routes with ease, and then stealing away my own time to be alone with favorite bit of earth.

Sometimes dreams make things clearer; sometimes they can break our hearts, sometimes they make us want a do over. There's a reason why I remembered this conversation and the images that came before and after. Life should not be missed opportunities that we replay and torment ourselves with. Wether London is my home or my next overseas flight, this time I think my dream told me at least that London is in my future, in one way or another, and it will not be a missed opportunity.

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