in which i divulge my road rage

I have to preface this with a statement; I am very kind. And it’s true. I think almost every person I know would say this. I never wish harm to anyone. Even those I dislike. I don’t want their lives to go badly, I just want their lives to go away from me. That’s all. That being said, let me tell you a story.

I was driving home in my SUV and about a block away from my house I pull off the interstatelikething and begin to merge into traffic, but there is a backup due to construction. I ease in at an angle behind a semi and nestle in to wait. All of a sudden a maroon sedan nearly slams into my driver’s side. This car has either come from the interstatelikething or the stoplight that is behind us. Either way, he is too close to me and is trying to not let me “in” even though he would have to drive through me to not let me “in” since I was here first. So, traffic begins to move and I pull in straight behind the semi and for a whole block all I hear is a car horn. Meanwhile we are driving by construction workers, like right beside them, like I could touch them. I assume the horn is not for me, but lo and behold the old man (my dad’s age) behind me in his maroon sedan is pushing forcibly on his steering wheel. We are now at a red light because there was a SEMI in front of me and I couldn’t see the light and by the time the SEMI cleared it it was yellow. Did I mention the construction and the SEMI? So, I still can’t believe it was me he was honking at because hello, CONSTRUCTION and SEMI that I actually opened my drivers side door to turn around and give him the evil look. He begins to roll down his window, but I can’t hear him because of the CONSTRUCTION. So, green light and evil me ever SOOOOOO slowly pulls forward and I just snail it. I am loving the control I have over this little man’s life. Then he whips around my left side and gets in front of me. This happens within about a 50 foot span. So, I begin to gun it and we both take the turn FAST. I get in the lane next to him and gun it more so that we are right beside each other at the next RED light. He immediately rolls down his window and I just look at him and mouth some not nice words and say something he never hears about the CONSTRUCTION and the SEMI and the RED LIGHT. Green light. He goes his way, I go mine, but even now, sitting here ready for bed, I want to publish his license plate number to the world (because I always have pen and paper handy in the car) and put out a witch hunt for an evil man who got mad for apparently no reason except there was construction and oh yeah, a semi. And then I just think that maybe he had just gotten fired from his job and I was the first one he got to tell in person. Pitty. I’m sure his office is really sad.

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